if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
