Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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