Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
