And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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