Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
