I don't think brook has ever known best
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
