I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
