I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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