Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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