The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
