Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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