I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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