he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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