oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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