All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
