In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
