dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
handjob tips. give me some.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
