Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
