then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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