my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
