I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize