I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
