But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
