do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
