Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
