Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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