By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
