I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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