No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
