I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
