Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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