She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
