She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
