i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my poor anus
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
