apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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