i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
