Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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