i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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