"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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