I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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