Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
