what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
