well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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