She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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