Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
