don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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