Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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