My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
