I can text with my tongue
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
