You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
