I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
