I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
