Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
