I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
not ubering you a puppy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
