Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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