My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
