his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
