It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
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We left an ass print on the piano.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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