I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
