You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
