he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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