I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I love having hate sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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