The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
