he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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