Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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