I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
