A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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