i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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