He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
