If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize