i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You are a genius and a whore.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
