Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
