Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
