Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
