K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
