When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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