Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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