just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
